Two weeks ago my husband and I had to go on a date...it was part of a homework assignment for a class he's taking at church. Sadly, I had a hard time keeping at straight face at first, as the seriousness of the accompanying study guide questions reminded me of the single pastoral counseling appointment we'd had before we got married. Unlike most couples we've met, my husband and I have known each other since we were 6. We grew up in the same church, dated in high school and college and then decided to get married. I'm pretty sure we were atypical from the couples Pastor normally saw. Yet really, what do you know about life at 21? Not a whole lot, I've decided, and a little more in depth pastoral counseling couldn't have hurt.
Because this week's homework really drove that point home. The assignment was to discuss Gary Chapman's five love languages and figure out which one was our own love language and if that was the same or different from our spouse's...the goal being to "speak" to your spouse in his/her love language. No big surprise, my husband and I, being polar opposites in many ways, have different primary love languages. Yet for me the most interesting revelation in all this is that I think my love languages have changed...and that's probably a good thing. Getting married at 21 to my high school sweetheart, I'm quite sure I had idyllic visions of neverending romance and wedded bliss. Those were my expectations based on my treasured Harlequin novels and favorite 80's tv shows...Love Boat and Fantasy Island. (I know, I know...sad but true).
But real marriage, I think, simply can't be idyllic. Life continues to interrupt, disrupt and corrupt a marriage like waves that relentlessly wash away sand castle walls...the structure itself might remain but its form is constantly changing and always at risk. Yet maybe over time the builder sees the wisdom in moving the castle to higher, safer ground away from the waves. So, too, in marriage, with a little faith, hope and love, a couple can wisely choose to move away from the forces that are always ready to undermine their more perfect union...and sometimes they just can't...and the marriage is washed away like that castle on the beach. I know, I know...sad but true.
And the older we get, the more marriages we see being washed away. It's scary...watching friends' lives self-destruct and knowing that statistically speaking, we could be next, since 50% of all marriages end in divorce. So, here's to homework and hindsight and reality checks and life experience...hopefully it all adds up to being wise builders...and that would most definitely be a good thing!
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child, I reasoned as a child; but when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways...And now faith, hope and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love" (I Corinthians 13:11, 13).
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