Mothering and Mind Melds

As a psychologist, my dad had a lifelong interest in people’s brains, especially how one’s understanding of the world developed from infancy to adulthood. When my oldest son Alex was a baby, my dad used to watch him watching the world and finally, unable to contain himself any longer, would go over to Alex and sit forehead to forehead with him, staring into his eyes and saying to me: “Time for the Mind Meld…I wonder what’s going on inside that little brain, don’t you?”

And I often do…still…even though my oldest will be sixteen at the end of the summer. Like my father, one of the things that I find most interesting as a parent is watching your child morph into his or her own person. It’s sort of like watching a potter at work on his wheel…spinning, molding, pulling, coaxing…until suddenly the form begins to take shape out of that lump of clay and you get glimmers of what the end product will be. But just glimmers. There’s a lot of reshaping and recreating going on as the pot evolves.

Yet as unresolved as that shape shifting sometimes feels, it’s the very process of defining and refining that’s so amazing. Case in point, my soon-to-be-sixteen Alex ran distance this year for track. Never one for competitive sports, Alex (in his younger years) sat on the field and picked dandelions during a short experiment with t-ball, walked the lines on the gym floor during indoor soccer and stayed as far away from the ball as possible during park district basketball. My husband and I finally gave up on encouraging him to try organized sports, yet Alex was an athletic kid, born with sturdy legs and a kinesthetic awareness that far surpassed anything his parents possessed. So it was encouraging (for his parents) to finally see him join volleyball and run track last year in eighth grade. It was even more encouraging to see him commit to indoor and outdoor track this year at East. Little glimmers of Alex’s inner athlete started shining through as he experienced teamwork, hard work and fitness as a lifestyle choice for the first time.

And then it happened. At the last official meet of the season, something clicked and he really looked like he knew what he was doing out on the track. Stride, pacing, breathing, confidence…everything synched…and Alex took twenty seconds off his best time. I don’t know who was more excited, him or me.

And not because he won the race (he didn’t) or because I think he’s now a shoe in for the Junior Olympic team (he’s not) but because he’s starting to figure out the value of perseverance and planning and focus and foresight, all good things that can help him navigate life. As for me, I feel like the Master Potter is at work, shaping Alex with his invisible hand. No doubt the glazing stage is almost here, and I can’t wait to see what brilliant colors emerge after firing. After years of watching and wondering what’s going on in that boy brain, I’m thinking the end product will be a very good thing indeed.