My Piece of the Rock

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

It happened again to this granite kind of girl. It's one of the weak points of my faith. I'm basically a chicken at heart, thanks in part to my psychologist father whose personal paranoia about the general wacko state of the world transferred easily to impressionable child-me...and which, like many of our adult-parent neuroses that we pass on to our kids, still haunts the netherworld of my brain.

Saturday, March 21...Cicero exit ramp on I-55...I had just finished giving my daughter a lecture on the fact that the school we were going to for regional science fair was in an area unlike our hometown. She would probably see a different corner of the world, and I just wanted her to be respectful and appreciative in her new surroundings, no matter who or what she encountered. Headed down the off-ramp at 7:10 a.m. on that morning, I could see a guy hanging out at the bottom. My stomach started to knot up. I was quite sure he was peddling something or just looking for money. However, with my beautiful teenage daughter sitting next to me, I knew I wasn't opening my window, no way, no how. "Please, please, God, let me make the light," I prayed silently.

Nope, the light turned red, and the guy ahead of me actually obeyed the traffic signal. With the cars stopped, the scruffy guy approached the first car in line, wanting to wash the windshield. I saw the driver put his hands up and move them back and forth in a "no thanks" gesture. Darn, he was headed for me next. Already, I was shaking my head and smiling and saying, "No thanks."

The window washer stopped beside me and motioned for me to roll down my window. I kept smiling and shaking my head, "No thanks. Not today." He tried again, gesturing with his rickety window washing stick and recycled water bottle half full of water. I kept on shaking my head no. He nodded in ascent, smiled back, a smile that crinkled his eyes, made a gesture like he was tipping his hat to me and moved on. The light changed. We turned the corner, quickly leaving the man in the distance, and all I could think was "What have I done?"

There was no doubt in my mind this was one of the least of Jesus' brothers, and I had just missed an opportunity to show my daughter what it means to be a friend of Jesus. I had singles and fives in my pocket, and it's not really my money anyway. It all comes from God and belongs to God, so why was I being stingy? Would it have killed me (literally) to have pulled out a few bills, cracked the window and passed them through with a smile saying, "God bless you"? Not this morning. I don't think so. So what stopped me?

Fear. Plain and simple. I have been conformed to the ways of this world, trained to fear strangers and be properly suspicious of those different from me...because you never know who is looking to take advantage or do harm. And I hate that about myself...about this world. This particular man was not a threat, and his eye-crinkling smile is now stuck in my head.

Worse yet, I'm left wondering what I taught my daughter that morning. She's got a lot of her Grandpa Steve in her already, just naturally that kind of kid who's worried about the bad guys she hears about on the news, yet tempered with an instinctive need to fight for the underdog in any situation. So what did my example do to her help-those-in-need heart?

As a granite kind of girl, I want to serve Jesus freely with my whole heart, and yet I want to protect my babies from this crazy daisy world we live in...while still teaching them to go out and serve in Jesus' name. Thank you, God, that you give us do-overs and a second chance to get it right. Yet, as a mom this morning, I truly feel stuck between a rock and a hard place...

Beyond What You Can Bear

Has anyone ever said to you, when you've been going through a difficult situation..."Don't worry. God only gives you what you can bear."? I've heard that said before, and, in my own ignorance, thought it was simply a cultural adaptation of God's Word. And yet, this week, I found the Biblical base for this expression (I think) in I Corinthians 10:13.

¹³No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it. (The Message translation)

Since my discovery, this verse has been echoing in my brain. When I first read the NIV translation, the word test is not in the text. The key word is temptation, which is why I thought that over time people had altered this verse and used it simply to encourage those going through difficult trials and bearing almost unbearable burdens. At first read, to me, these words were not giving advice about how to bear up under stress but how to resist sin. How interesting, I thought, that along the way the focus moved away from "deliver us from temptation" to "deliver us from hardship". How typically self-centered of us...

Yet really, those two are one and the same, aren't they? Because what I see happening in times of great trial and hardship is that faith is put to the test. Questions arise as to "Why is this happening to me?"..."Why is God punishing me?"..."Why must I suffer so?"..."Isn't there an easier way out?" And if believers are pushed to the breaking point with our faith, isn't that the greatest temptation of all? To turn our backs on God because he's not being good enough or big enough or victorious enough for our earthly battles?

I need only look to my friend, who has been going through a horrific divorce for the past 19 months. Every time she thinks it will finally be resolved, her spouse throws another roadblock into the process. I know she's cried out to God time and again for deliverance from this situation. I know because I've prayed that same prayer on her behalf. A year ago she admitted to me that she was too angry at God to go to church. She was a good person. Why wasn't he taking care of things?

Those words haunted me...that this gentle, good, faithful woman could have such doubts at a time when she needed God most. And I know there is more ugliness to come in this situation. The divorce is going to trial at the end of the month, and it will be no holds barred as custody and possession of the house are items on the docket. Yet the amazing thing is that her faith has grown stronger through this experience...not that you would wish this experience on anyone...yet it is an encouraging thing to see that in spite of how beaten and broken down she was her faith has slowly been regenerating her will to walk the path that has been set before her...and transforming her life in the process. That's a good thing...a God thing.

These words also speak to my brother's situation at the moment. My sister-in-law is due any moment with their third child, and their youngest has been in the hospital since Thursday with a strange fever and facial swelling in and around the eye. At first they thought the infection had not gotten into the bloodstream. Now they're not so sure. And they're thinking that on top of the strep infection and deep cavity sinus infection that this all started with Flu B. So little Logan is still in the hospital, my sister in law is at any moment due to go into that same hospital, and yet her update email this morning was filled with thanksgiving for the prayers and support of family and friends who have come around their family during this crazy time...of testing.

So hear these words again, this time from the NRSV: "No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it." Amen. Let it be.

Hungry to Serve 2

Every third Wednesday, I get a slice of life that's not served a'la mode. My kids and I work the food pantry at our church in New Lenox, and it's an experience that reminds me how extremely comfortable my life is, all things considered.

 

Many of our guests are older adults on disability who have a handful of assorted relatives living with them. But another chunk are parents, both working (or at least they were…until all the layoffs hit), trying to make ends meet to raise their families.  Some are single mothers. More and more are Spanish-only speakers.

 

So last week it happened again. And even though it was a repeat performance, I still felt the same surge of excitement that what I was seeing was a good thing, a God thing. After serving a steadily increasing number of families last fall (in the 60's), we actually dipped during the holidays only to shoot up to 70+ in January. 84 families received groceries in February. Last Wednesday, we served 98…

 

But what's more amazing to me than the statistics are the transformations that take place at food pantry. No doubt about it...the gym is filled with tired faces, anxious faces, faces tight with pain or worry. But our volunteer interviewers greet each client by name with a smile and a touch of the hand, and that seems to make a difference. Last time Yolanda's prayers for her recipients made several cry, not out of frustration but because of the love that was being shown for them. Not just our

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love, but God's love. That moves me to tears, too.

 

And I watched last week as volunteer Cindy once again pulled guest Patricia out of line to help her translate because our Spanish-speaking clientele continues to grow. The first time Cindy recruited her, Patricia, whose eyes crinkle up when she smiles (and she always shares her smiles) and who has been a regular recipient since we opened, took a seat next to Cindy, sat her toddler on her lap, and became part of a team.

 

As I continued to bring guests to their table, I watched Patricia grow in confidence. She's been a recipient. She knows how it feels to be on the other side of the interview, and she knows our process. She seemed genuinely pleased (not put out) that Cindy had asked her to help and stayed long past the time she would have normally left with the promise to help next time, too. And she did, bringing her sister along, as well.

 

Yet even as the economic hardships bite harder and the word spreads and our numbers rise, every third Wednesday we now have guests, yes guests, who approach us and say, “It seems like you need help. I can help. How do I get involved?” No longer is it only

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members who are staffing this ministry. The ministry is growing leaders from the people we are serving, and that’s a good thing, a God thing. So I’m thinking that maybe I’m getting a slice of life serve a’la mode after all.

 

Want to know more about the New Life Church Food Pantry? Please call the church at 815-462-0202 or visit www.newlifenewlenox.org

Retreat Highlights

This verse from I Corinthians was in my inbox today when I got home from retreat:

 

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." (I Corinthians 13:7, NLT)  

 

This is exactly what we wanted to communicate to the women this weekend at the Love the One You're With retreat; I think we were successful...

 

Friday night...in the Psalms study room, women were awed and amazed that Christine's typed copy of a Psalm asked them to insert their own name everywhere it said me, my or I. In that moment the Word became a very personal message of hope and love to those women. Praise God!  In the Confession/Assurance of Pardon room, tears rolled down cheeks as women came face to face with the brokenness each and every one of us live with because of sin and wept as they wrote those sins down, burned them in the fire and received the assurance of pardon that God forgives and his love is from everlasting to everlasting. In the Prayer Labyrinth room, women negotiated the labyrinth path, stopping at stations to reflect and pray, at first tentatively, then with a true pilgrim's heart. This station took much longer than anticipated because the women fully engaged in the moment, kneeling in prayer over the pool of water into which their burden stone had been released, heads bent over journals in which they poured out their hearts. "Do not be conformed to this world but transform your mind so that you can discern what is God's will, what is good and pleasing and perfect." (Romans 12:2) Amen!

 

Saturday morning...Christine removed fear and anxiety from our relationships with God by talking about the Favor Line and how God erased that with His love, His Son. God does not require that we measure up to a certain unattainable standard. He does hope and pray that we will be faithful, that we will seek Him out, that we will live reconciled to Him, but He does not remove His love when we falter and stumble, a message many needed to hear. Saturday morning also brough dyads and a time to get to know one other woman better on a deeper level. New friendships were formed amidst tears and laughter.

 

Saturday afternoon...Rachel helped ladies figure out where they were on the Jesus Relationship Continuum (and we tied it into Fireproof!). They heard about how crazy faith and crazy love are what are required to live a life worthy of the one to which God has called us. Inspired by the Shamgar Principle (are you curious? Judges 3;31), they brainstormed ways to deepen their love for Jesus during Lent so that on Easter morning they can wake up and say with unconditional passion, "I love you, Lord, and you alone!" Perspectives were forever changed as we went around a prayer circle naming one person and what s/he had done to show us love...then going around a second time replacing the person's name with the Name above all names, Jesus. Barely enough kleenex to go around...

 

There's so much more to share about crazy faith and crazy love, but that's a story for another day...

Soul Food

I borrowed today's title from my family devotional book proposal I just finished this morning. It's on my brain, but it fits today's post well, I think.

Yesterday was food pantry day at church. After serving a steadily increasing number of families last fall (in the 60's), we actually dipped during the holidays only to shoot up to 70+ in January. 84 families received groceries this week. We expect that our numbers will continue to climb.

But what's more amazing to me than the statistics are the transformations that take place at food pantry. No doubt about it...the gym is filled with tired faces, anxious faces, faces tight with pain or worry. But our volunteer interviewers greet each client by name with a smile and a touch of the hand, and that seems to make a difference. Yesterday Yolanda's prayers for her recipients made several cry, not out of frustration but because of the love that was being shown for them. Not just our New Life Church love, but God's love. That moves me to tears.

And I watched as volunteer Cindy pulled guest Patricia out of line to help her translate because our Spanish-speaking clientele is growing faster than we can find bilingual volunteers. Patricia, whose eyes crinkle up when she smiles (and she always shares her smiles) and who has been a regular recipient since we opened, took a seat next to Cindy, sat her toddler on her lap, and became part of a team. As I continued to seat guests at their table, I watched her grow in confidence. She's been a recipient. She knows how it feels to be on the other side of the interview, and she knows our process. She seemed genuinely pleased (not bothered) that Cindy had asked her to help and stayed long past the time she would have normally left with the promise to help next time, too.

And I experienced God's goodness when I approached Katrina, a newer pantry recipient whose English I knew was excellent. I had just seen a woman come through the registration line wrapped only in a blanket (on a miserable, cold, rainy day). Her face looked like the rain had drenched her spirit, too. I knew we had coats set aside, and I desperately wanted to get that woman a coat before the supply ran out. However, my Spanish is marginal at best, so I pulled Katrina aside and asked her to translate my request.

She quickly agreed, responding, "Do you know who I talk to about volunteering here? You guys seem like you need help, and I'd like to help." I put her to work right away, getting my blanket guest a coat, as well as a little grandma who'd just arrived from Mexico with no Chicago-winter gear at all. Katrina will also be joining our ministry team. Who knew? God knew...

"Ask and it will be given to you. Search and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you...How much more will your Father who is in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:7, 11b)

To me, this is all soul food...God's Word feeds his faithful. His faithful live out those words and are equipped and encouraged to serve up a little soul food to the world. It's a good thing, a God thing.

And the blanket lady's face, when she took her spot at the interview table wearing her new coat and carrying a new purse filled with goodies (thanks to the Women's Ministry outreach), was absolutely radiant, an ear to ear grin that said, "I know I am loved." Who knew? God knew!

Amen.

Tough Questions: Mixed Messages

Sometimes I just don't get it. I work hard to base my life on the Bible. I try to share a Biblical worldview with my kids. And then these tough questions pop up, and I still don't know what to say.

Like the other day, when it was so brutally cold in Chicago, and I needed to go out and run some errands. So I gave my kids the big lecture about "Don't go outside. It's too cold. Don't open the door for anyone while I'm gone, although no one should be out and about so don't worry about it. But if someone does ring the bell, let your sister deal with it (this said to my youngest who would open the door to an axe murderer and invite him in for tea, although the axe murderer would likely decline because he'd note immediately that this kid would never shut up and would follow him around asking for all the details about his axe and his line of work and he'd decide that it really wasn't worth it and go find a different house to terrorize).

Which of course is when Max said, "But what if a homeless person rings the bell? We should let him in to warm up, right? Because you said we need to help homeless people especially now that it's so cold. Right, Mom?"

Aggggh! Yes. No. I mean, NO, absolutely do not let a homeless person in the house if I'm not home, but yes, I just told you not 5 minutes ago that God calls us to take care of his children. So, even though I told you it's our job to provide shelter and food to those in need when given the opportunity, I don't want you to take all opportunities, just the ones I deem safe and socially acceptable. No...that's not it either.

Okay, Rule # 1 is you don't open the door when Mommy's not home. If Mommy was home, then we'd figure something out to help this person, which would likely involve calling the police and asking them to give this person a ride to a homeless shelter. Would we make them a cup of hot cocoa? Give them a blanket while they waited? Make them wait in the garage like a stray cat or invite them in and potentially put our family at risk if this person was not well-intentioned and thankful of a bit of kindness?

And of course in the back of my head is the Matthew 25:31-40 passage about caring for the hungry, the homeless, the needy, and which ends with Jesus saying, "Anything you did for one of the least important of these brothers of mine, you did for me." So do I really want to stand before God one day and say, "Um, yes, that day that you showed up at my house in the bitter cold desperately in need of food and shelter, I made you wait in my garage like a stray cat while I called the police to escort you to a homeless shelter."?

I find I don't have an answer for this one. Just more tough questions staring me in the face, daring me to find a way around the mixed messages. Hmmm...

Riding the Youth Ministry Roller Coaster

I'm feeling my age. In my head I'm not old, but more and more I'm reminded that my brain is middle age. I seem to have forgotten whatever I learned about working with youth 15 years ago or maybe it's just that times have changed, significantly. Most nights after youth group, I feel like a blind woman who's been feeling my way through a maze, celebrating those open doorways, bemoaning the dead ends.

My connection to youth ministry, at the moment, is through youth band. I volunteered to "help" the leader because I wanted to encourage her and support my own two band member kids. Now I find myself doing more...which I don't mind. I just don't feel particularly qualified. And every time I think I know how to make spiritual connections for youth, I rediscover that awkwardness of trying to learn to function in a culture very different from mine. But then God-moments happen in the most unlikeliest spaces, and I realize it's okay...we're all in this together.

Like last night...coming off a disjointed rehearsal, we started our set with an invitation to worship God with an easy, upbeat praise chorus. None of the kids sang. Most stared blankly at us. Some goofed off in the corner. We moved into a slower but familiar (to them) worship song that builds emotionally and musically. Nothing. My co-leader went right into prayer. I had my eyes closed, but I could sense the inattention, my heart sinking in frustration.

Then it was my turn.  Very aware of the lack of focus in the room, I began to share some of American Idol finalist Jason Castro's story of how he came to realize that Jesus is first in his life and that he is second. I talked about him being able to sing Hallelujah (from Shrek) on television for millions of people and how life-changing that was for him to say publicly "praise God".

Yet as I talked, I felt the energy shift in the room, and when I closed by asking the group to join us in singing the chorus from Hallelujah, more voices than just our team's filled the place. As a whole we moved with quiet reverence into You Are My King/Amazing Love.  And there it was... a God-moment...surprising me, humbling me, nurturing my faith. Where worship had opened in a total disconnect, God filled that space with his presence. As always, a light in the darkness. When will I learn? Amen. Let it be.

Jason Castro: I Am Second

Last  year, for the first time, I watched American Idol, more out of a need to find common ground with my kids than for any burning desire to see the competition. The funny thing was, though, I really enjoyed it. The contestants ranged from goofy to grandiose, from awful to amazing, and being able to witness the growth of each artist as s/he made it through week after week intrigued me. Yet one guy in particular I just couldn't figure out.

Jason Castro engaged the crowd with his laid back attitude, incredible smile and huge blue eyes, yet something was off. He just didn't seem "into it", and the farther he progressed, the more out of it he appeared, even though the boy's voice is Idol-quality. Our family consensus, the night he got voted off, was that he had simply given up. It wasn't that he couldn't do it; for whatever reason, he didn't want to. Interesting. I've always felt like there was more to the story.

So today it was like the light shone in the darkness when I got this video from a friend who is dialed into Christian culture. Jason Castro has shared his personal testimony for a group called I Am Second, which is a collection of famous and not so famous individuals who know Jesus and know that everything in life comes second after him. Jason doesn't really talk much about the Idol experience, more about his music and how he feels he's been called to serve God through his music.

Yet I have to wonder if our family take on Jason's Idol exit was on target...that he literally gave up trying to be first because he knows he is second. Maybe he realized, in pursuing his "dream", that being "the next American Idol" wasn't all it's cracked up to be and that it comes with demands and obligations, some of which no doubt are in opposition to his core values and beliefs. So very interesting...and I'd love to hear the real story behind the story.

Here's to being second. You rock, Jason Castro!

On Connecting

As I've moved through different phases of my life, I've repeatedly felt God's call to be a catalyst for him. Sometimes it's to bring about change in a static situation. Sometimes it's just to start making connections for people. It's not always been pleasant or easy, but it's been work I've felt God has asked me to do. So I've tried to be faithful to that calling (but, if I'm honest, not always succeeding).

Yet last night I was reminded about how rewarding this God-work can be. My husband and I have been trying to start a new small group at church for the better part of a year. After attending a small group leaders conference together last winter and talking with our small group pastor at church, we decided to take the plunge. But after much planning and expectant hoping, nobody jumped at our invitation to join us. Hmmm...

So we regrouped and re-visioned and looked to the fall, praying that we would find the people who needed to be connected. Six months later, it sure feels like God has answered that prayer. Our fledgling group has had three meetings now and seems to be getting in sync with the rhythm of group life, slowly beginning to open up and share bits and pieces of our lives and our walks with God.

But last night was our first Family Fun Night, something Dave and I really wanted to build into our small group time because we want to help our kids get connected at church, too. My daughter, in particular, is having a hard time fitting in, and I desperately want to be a catalyst for her and ease her loneliness. Last night, though, something clicked. I know because I happened to be in the kitchen when she came bounding in at the end of the evening to ask another member's daughter if she would "please, please come to Big House (youth group) tomorrow because they're doing this scavenger hunt thing and she doesn't know anyone and please, please, please could she come and do it with her so she doesn't have to go alone."

Wow! I knew what it took for my daughter to make that request, and I could see in the other girl's eyes that she was pleased to be asked because I think she, too, has felt a little out of the middle school loop. The other mom also happened to be in the kitchen, and our eyes met across the room as we smiled. I'm pretty sure we both offered up a silent prayer: "Thank you, God, for this group and these girls and your presence here tonight. Amen. Let it be!"

Before we even had friends to join us, my husband and I named our small group the Mission:Possible group, building on our church's Mission statement which is to connect people to one another and God for their new life in Christ. I am encouraged that our group appears aptly named and is faithfully seeking to live out that mission one step at a time. God is good, all the time! Amen. Let it be!

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

As a kid, I always felt so let down, so hurt when someone didn't know my name (after being introduced). It made me feel so very small and insignificant. So early on in life, I made it my personal mission to memorize faces and names so that other people wouldn't feel the same way. And like it was yesterday, I am transported back to a hot, sticky Indiana summer when I was about 12. I am sitting with a group of fellow church campers and leaders on the warm cement of a Hanover College sidewalk in front of our dorm. It was our first day together and the leaders made us play a name memorization game. Much to their amazement, I went last and was able to repeat every single person's name, kid and adult, without fail. I smiled sweetly but didn't share my secret, that my accomplishment was vindication for all the lost and lonely souls whose names meant nothing to those whom they had met. 

But sadly, I think, as I've aged I've lost some of that passion and empathy. My brain is just filled with so much stuff. Yet as I move forward in my work with retreat ministries and my next book on intergenerational whole church connections, I find myself thinking about the spiritual gift of hospitality.  As if God were poking me personally, this week one of my Bible League Verse of the Day emails which I forward to my kids contained this passage from Acts 2: 46-47 when the Christian church was just getting started after Jesus' death and resurrection... 

 "Every day they (the believers) continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." (NIV)

The meditation question asked, "Are you breaking bread with your church family? Are you available to spend time with those who need you?"

Hmmm...that last question is a tough one for me to answer. It meant I had to own up (in writing) to my kids that being available is hard for me to do. I'm a great fixer, solution finder, resource provider, but when it comes to giving my time to just sit and listen, I feel ill-equipped. I hate the phone. Talking on it for long periods of time makes my ear hurt and my hand fall asleep. Meeting for coffee just to chit chat really depends on the day and the company. Listening and just being present for someone for me takes extreme patience and discipline. I feel like I need to be doing, and yet that's really the point, isn't it? By listening, I am doing.

Willow Creek Church, which has had a huge impact on contemporary evangelical church development, for years advocated more of a teaching/telling approach to ministry. Two years ago in their Reveal study, they admitted that one key component that appeared to be missing was listening skills. Willow Creek staff member Garry Poole wrote in a 2006 article for Willow magazine, "As we seek to share our faith, we gain overwhelmingly positive benefits through the practice of concentrated listening. As we listen intently, we receive greater insights into the lives of our seeking friends, enabling us to effectively focus our conversations more directly on their needs and concerns. I’m convinced that the very best way to engage seekers in spiritual conversations is to not only know how to ask key, provocative questions but, even more than that, to understand how to truly listen to their hearts and souls."

For me that's hard. If you're teaching or telling, you've got a set agenda. You say what you need to say and move on. If you're listening, the time factor goes out the window. You have no idea how long the other person is going to talk or where those conversations will lead. And yet, in the framework of the spiritual gift of hospitality, I'm guessing I need to rethink my timetable. I want to get back that childhood desire to know everybody's name and make them glad they came. How about you?